God is a woman – looking back at AUBG Open…

10 04 2009

A promised summary of what happened in Blagoevgrad is finally ready for our attentive readers (yes, yes – all two of you;)). AUBG Debate Tournament 2009 was not named AUBG Open, and neither was it open. However, to the best of my knowledge it IS the premier university-level debate tournament in Bulgaria, and therefore was bound to bring a lot of fun with its six rounds of American Parliamentary (AP) debating. I heard the term “argument-assisted AP”, and indeed it did have a few good ones. The motions, in case of interest are as follows:

First round: THBT McDonalds is good for you. (main argument: “They have green salads.”)

Second round: THBT American is an enemy and not a friend. (take-home message: “U.S. won’t be your best buddy in case you are a Mexican worker.”)

Third round: TH desires peace and therefore prepares for war. (with the good pun, mentioned by the government team: “I think that this opposition keeps forgetting we are an authoritarian country!”)

Fourth round: THB in love at first night. (mentioning that “Sex is about getting closer, not about getting satisfaction out of it.” Classic.)

Semi-final: TH does not fear Islam. (the case revolved around giving a hard and fast date for Turkey joining the EU… maybe!)

Final: THW nationalize in times of financial crisis. (the one case where a congressional family, a corporate family and a family were equated. Soon families are expected to issue bonds and shares).

Finally there was a mock debate in which adjucidacators argued on the motion:

THBT God is a woman.

Definitely the government team won the tournament with a few misplaced but compelling arguments, namely:

PM brought up that:

1. The Bible’s rants are surprisingly like your girlfriend’s one (e.g. Have no gods but Me), and not like your buddy’s.

2. The Jesus case: the immaculate conception was done by the Holy Spirit only bacause God HERself couldn’t do it.

3. The world around us: all the things men like are either illegal, immoral, or make you fat (e.g. gambling, porn, beer). All the things women like are considered shweeet (e.g. fluffy animals). No man in his right mind would come up with such a world!

The Member of Government then supported the case by saying that Man (Adam) was created simply because “you buy first what you need most”, only to state that after the Government’s speeches it was firmly proven that God is a female. With this just one question remained: if God is indeed a blonde!

The whole thing was then followed by free catering. (More useless details can follow on request.)




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